Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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