so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
