My liver just broke up with me...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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