Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
