1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
