His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
