Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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