my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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