you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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