I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
