you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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