Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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