About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
