wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
