It's Friday. Sex?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
