there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
