he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
