Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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