A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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