4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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