Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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