I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
