its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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