you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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