hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
