Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
