He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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