I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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