She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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