Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
