their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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