Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
