I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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