Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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