Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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