hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
