I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
