well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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