Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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