Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
