i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
