I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he fucked my hip out of place.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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