My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize