She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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