11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so much tequila, so little girl.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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