life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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