i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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