i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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