this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
