i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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