I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
