I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
