the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
