I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We're too hungover to prance.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.