The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?