Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream