and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.