Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
this is an emotional support booty call
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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