yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
