Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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