So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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