You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
