just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
